


Best Laid Plans

by amidststars



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Adventures with Prosthetics, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Black Hayate is Best Wingman, Humor, M/M, Meet-Cute, fmagiftexchange2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22103221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amidststars/pseuds/amidststars
Summary: Roy knew there would be some form of retribution for enlisting Black Hayate as his wingman, he just assumed it would come from Riza. He'd never quite imagined this.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Comments: 30
Kudos: 348
Collections: FMA Gift Exchange 2019





	Best Laid Plans

**Author's Note:**

> Merry late Christmas, Silvi! Your original gifter had an emergency come up, so here is my pinch-hit fic <3 I hope you like it!

“So then one of the other parents asks if we’re getting the same bouncy house they had at their son’s birthday, and I mean, we were going to have plenty of activities, but now Gracia’s worried the other kids will get bored or their parents will talk, so bouncy house it is.”

“You don’t think that’s a little… excessive?” Roy asked. “Elicia’s only going to be two.”

Maes shrugged. “Parenthood can be an ongoing competition at times. Comes with the territory. Plus, I have no problem spoiling her absolutely rotten.” Smiling, he leaned over the stroller’s handle to nuzzle the top of Elicia’s head. “Isn’t that right? Daddy loves you so much. Only the best for my sweet little girl.”

“She’s not going to know the difference. Neither will the other kids. Not having a bouncy house at her second birthday party isn’t going to send her into some downward spiral of self-imposed, imagined neglect as a teenager.”

“You _hope_ not,” Maes teased, then glanced over. “You are coming, aren’t you?”

“Will there be a bouncy house?” Roy chuckled as Maes punched his arm. “Of course I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it.” As if he’d even be _allowed_ to miss it.

“Good, because I already told Gracia you were coming.”

They eased off into the grass to make way for an oncoming group of runners that followed the park’s loop every morning. Once they’d passed and Roy and Maes had maneuvered back onto the path, Roy glanced down to Black Hayate walking along obediently at his side, then over to the stroller Maes was pushing.

“We sure have come a long way from bar crawls and all-nighters,” he said.

“Speak for yourself. I have all-nighters all the time. Elicia’s going through a phase where sleep is apparently for losers.” In the stroller, Elicia blew an exceptionally wet raspberry as if to agree. “I don’t even see how she’s awake right now, honestly.”

“You know what I mean.”

Maes fell silent for a second before nodding. “I do. When I’m not picking up toys around the house or wondering what bodily fluid stained my shirt this time, I’m trying to figure out if Gracia and I will ever be able to squeeze in a date night. And you… Mr. State Senator, out walking a dog.”

“We’re the personification of domestic, and I don’t even have the excuse of a wife,” Roy said.

Arching a brow, Maes peeked at Roy out of the corner of his eye. “Is that a trace of wistfulness I’m sensing?”

“More like melancholy,” Roy corrected. “Or nostalgia. The good old days are well and truly gone.”

There was something to be said for turning thirty-seven. Roy had become the youngest person ever to be elected to the Senate, after all. Years of hard work and dedication had finally paid off. But at the same time, a newfound ache had made itself home in the small of his back, hours of perusing fine print had led to a need for reading glasses, and he may or may not have spotted a gray hair in the mirror yesterday morning.

Maes dismissed him with a wave. “Nonsense, you’ve just been focused on your career the past few years. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost your touch.”

“I was turned down by a cashier at the supermarket the other day,” Roy pointed out.

“Ah. Well, everyone has an off day.” When Roy leveled him with a deadpan stare, Maes shook his head. “Don’t give me that look. I maintain my stance that smooth-talking, eye-batting, smirk-flashing Roy Mustang can get a date with anyone.”

Roy snorted. “At least one of us is optimistic.”

“You act like you’ve already got one foot in the grave,” Maes said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re thirty-seven, not dead. Isn’t there anyone you’re interested in?”

“I haven’t had a lot of time to spend looking for someone to be interested _in_.” They followed the path beneath a bridge and out into an open field. To the right, an instructor was putting on a dog training class. To the left, a couple guys were slinging a Frisbee back and forth while three girls sprawled on the grassy knoll that sloped down to the creek nearby. Recognizing one of them, Roy’s feet stopped of their own accord beneath the dappled shade of a red oak. “Although…”

It took a few steps for Maes to realize Roy wasn’t following. “Although?” he echoed once he’d backtracked.

Roy didn’t answer, though, just watched the familiar figure make a desperate lunge for the Frisbee, watched the end of that long, blonde ponytail snap as he spun around to launch it back without preamble, watched those lean muscles work as he jogged back into position.

“Does he have a name?” Maes asked.

“Presumably.”

In his periphery, Roy noticed Maes look to him sharply. “You haven’t even _talked_ to him?”

Roy wished he could say he had. He really wished he could. If not to protect the distant memory of his glory days, then to save face with Maes. But the one time he’d said _excuse me_ so he could squeeze past the young man to reach the recycle bin didn’t count even by his dismally poor standards as of late.

“I told you, no time,” Roy said. “We’ve run into each other at the coffee shop, but we haven’t really talked.”

“That’s not like you.”

“I don’t even know if he’s interested, Maes.”

“And that’s a weak copout,” Maes said. “When has not knowing ever stopped you from trying?”

The young man followed up a high-flying catch with an exuberant whoop, and Roy couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his mouth. Maes was right. There was a time he would’ve approached the guy and flirted shamelessly without a second thought. Tilt of the head, a little smirk. It would’ve been a done deal.

That was before, though. Before he’d established a career and made a name for himself that pretty much guaranteed any future partner of his would fall under the same level of scrutiny. Not to say the blonde man wasn’t worth it. There were a lot of things Roy would do to be on the receiving end of that smile. Still…

“You know what my life is like now,” Roy said. “The media is brutal. Who am I to drag anyone into that hornet’s nest?”

For all the world had changed, there were still people who weren’t as forward thinking as others. He could handle the pressure, but it wouldn’t be fair to his partner, whoever that happened to be, to have to deal with the potential backlash.

Leaning forward, Maes rested his arms on the stroller’s handle and hummed. “Who are you to refuse someone the chance to choose? I think anyone worth your time should be able to decide that for themselves.”

Elicia chose that moment to transition from vaguely coherent babbling to an excited squeal shrill enough to startle several birds from the tree overhead. It also garnered at least a passing look from just about everyone in the area. Including the young man in question. Although his couldn’t be classified as merely passing. He held Roy’s eyes for a prolonged moment, turned away, then glanced back one last time over his shoulder before returning to the game.

“He’s cute,” Maes continued, which was obviously a gross understatement because cute didn’t even begin to brush the surface. “And you’re an idiot.”

Roy blinked back to himself. “Hey now.”

“I take back what I said. If you think for even one minute that he’s not interested, you _are_ losing your touch.” Unfazed as always by Roy’s indignation, Maes nodded towards the guy. “I saw that look. I know what it means.”

“Maybe so, but we’re not in college anymore,” Roy said. “Things aren’t that easy.”

“Sure they are. You _convince_ yourself they’re not easy. If you need a conversation starter, use that little trick with Black Hayate. It worked for that one guy on your staff. What’s his name? Havoc?”

Roy let out a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, okay, no problem. Let me just sign my own death warrant while I’m at it. Riza would eviscerate me on the spot if she found out I was using her dog to pick up guys.”

“ _If_ she finds out,” Maes said. “Also, it’s not like this is some longstanding gig. You’re not picking up guys. It’s just the one.”

Hesitating, Roy fingered the end of the leash and looked down at Black Hayate who stopped scratching behind his ears to stare up at him, tail wagging, tongue lolling. Man’s best friend. He’d do whatever Roy asked. The question was whether or not Roy would ask it of him.

“Come on, Roy. Success is great and all, and I’m happy for you. Really, I am. You’re already changing things for the better. But is that all you want out of life? Don’t you want someone to share things with, to come home to every night?”

“Jumping the gun a bit, aren’t you?” Roy asked.

“Just use Black Hayate already or I’m going to go ask him out for you.”

Maes would, too. Roy knew he would. And he would do it in the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy way possible, so it was with a long-suffering sigh that Roy knelt down amongst the leaves. If he was going to do this, it would be on his own terms.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Maes announced proudly. “You’ve got this, Roy. Break a leg.”

Roy ignored him in favor of rubbing behind one of Black Hayate’s ears. “Time to work some magic. Ready, boy? Don’t let me down.”

With a sharp yip, Black Hayate raced across the field. He circled the girls still stretched out on the ground, paused long enough to enjoy a brief pat, then spotted the Frisbee sailing through the air. Roy waited until Black Hayate had planted himself in front of the reason for all this effort before jogging towards the group.

“You mangy mutt, get back here!” he yelled. When the young man glanced back, Roy waved one arm. “Hold him for me, will you?”

However, before the guy could get a solid hold on Black Hayate’s collar, a sandy-haired man walking up from the opposite direction called out. It was hard to tell exactly what happened. There was a brief moment of silence where Black Hayate went completely still and lifted his nose, scenting the air. Then everything erupted into chaos.

There was yapping and hissing and yelling. Something scurried onto the top of the newcomer’s head, then climbed even further when he raised his arms. At some point, someone squealed. And all the while, Black Hayate darted around and between the sandy-haired guy’s legs, barking madly, the ponytailed man hot on his heels.

“Sorry,” Roy said when he was close enough to be heard above the commotion.

It was supposed to be part of the act, but it came out wholly genuine considering the madness he’d unintentionally instigated. A kitten yowled pathetically while Black Hayate continued to evade the blonde man, somehow looping the leash repeatedly around one of his legs. Then, without warning, the kitten sprang free and sprinted off, Black Hayate trailing after at full speed, followed by the sandy-haired man.

“I’m so sorry, he’s usually better behaved than— _oh my god_!”

It was… not at all what Roy had planned.

He fell to his knees as the blonde man tumbled into the grass with a startled yelp, and his leg— oh god, his _leg_ — it was still hopelessly tangled in the leash, and it bounced along after Black Hayate, not at all attached to the rest of the man’s body, _dear fucking god_ —

Roy didn’t even know that was possible. It was just a standard braided leash. Nothing special. Certainly nothing that should’ve been capable of severing someone’s leg. This was what he got for enlisting Black Hayate as his wingman. He knew there would be some form of retribution, he just assumed it would come from Riza. He’d never imagined this. It was totally deserved and so much worse than any punishment Riza could ever hope to inflict on him. There had to be a special place in hell for accidental manslaughter in the pursuit of a date.

“Oh my god, okay,” Roy said as steadily as he could. “Just stay calm. Don’t panic.”

The young man was groaning now, rocking back and forth as he grasped the upper part of his thigh. The rest of his pant leg lay flat against the grass. It was a stark reminder of what was missing. As if Roy could forget.

“Someone call for an ambulance,” he yelled. “We need to find something to use as a tourniquet until they get here. Does anyone have a belt? _Shit_ , I left mine at home.”

Could they use strips of their clothing, or did that only work in the movies? Maybe they could string their shoelaces together. Oh god, this was a disaster. And why was no one else frantically trying to help? Everyone else was just standing there, watching passively as if nothing was wrong, as if their friend wasn’t about to bleed out in the middle of the city park—

Then Roy noticed the distinct lack of blood. And the way the young man’s shoulders were shaking with poorly disguised laughter instead of pain. And how the once-attached leg flailing along behind Black Hayate didn’t look quite so—

Oh.

“It’s… it’s a prosthetic,” Roy observed mildly, sitting back on his heels.

The young man gave up all pretense and dissolved into laughter. “You should’ve seen the look on your face. Fuck, I’ve been waiting to do that to someone _forever_.”

“Ed, you cretin,” one of the girls said. She’d finally caught Black Hayate and was bringing him back. “That was an awful prank.”

Roy, whose heart hadn’t quite descended from his throat back into his chest where it belonged, was inclined to agree.

“I think you mean classic,” the young man – Ed, apparently – said, then gestured to his remaining stump of a leg. “Definitely made it worth all this.”

The girl huffed. “You’re an embarrassment to society, do you know that?”

“I try my best.”

Rolling her eyes, the girl handed over Black Hayate’s leash and stomped off towards the others still on the knoll. The Asian man Ed had been playing Frisbee with had joined them, along with the sandy-haired guy, kitten now corralled protectively between his crossed legs. Roy was about to call out an apology for the scratches he’d no doubt suffered during the commotion when Ed faced him.

“Don’t you hate it when you start the day off on the wrong foot?” Ed asked.

Roy just… blinked.

And swallowed.

And—

“Was that a…?”

“Joke. Yeah.” Ed shrugged and began hiking up his pant leg. “Just trying to smooth over the tension.”

Realizing the next step – Roy mentally cringed; oh god, now everything was going to sound like an amputee joke – he reached for the prosthetic still tangled in Black Hayate’s leash only to pause. He wanted to help, but he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries either. It was entirely possible his aid wasn’t even wanted. 

A while back, a nasty car accident had left Havoc wheelchair-bound for several months. He’d been tetchy about accepting help during his therapy, and that was with people he’d known for years. Roy had only known Ed for five minutes, four and three quarters of which consisted of Roy panicking over his disconnected leg. If Ed was even a bit like Havoc, he wouldn’t want help.

However, he surprised Roy further by waving a hand in the general direction of the prosthetic and asking, “Can you pass me that?”

Eager for something to do, Roy began untangling the leash.

“So…” Ed said after a moment of watching him work. “The old _catch my dog for me_ trick, huh?”

Busted. Roy’s eyes flicked up. “You knew?” Just in case everything else wasn’t sufficiently humiliating.

“Knew,” Ed confirmed. “Still working on believing.”

“Why’s that?”

Ed shot him a dubious look. “I think you need to get your eyes checked if you’re seriously asking me that.”

“Excuse you,” Roy said, handing over the extracted prosthetic. “My vision is perfect aside from needing reading glasses.”

“Ah, farsighted. That makes more sense. Now I know why you haven’t noped out of this yet.” After adjusting the sleeve covering his upper leg, Ed lined up the prosthetic. “Also explains why you’re not looking everywhere _but_ me. This is usually the point where things get hella awkward.”

“Do you _want_ me to look away?”

Ed twitched one shoulder in some vague imitation of a shrug. “Do what you want.”

There was an undercurrent of vulnerability to the words, though, despite how lightly they were said, so Roy used brushing imaginary lint off his shirt as an excuse to give Ed some privacy. The last thing he wanted was to make the situation more uncomfortable than it already was. Not that the prosthetic made him uncomfortable. If anything, it drew him in all the more. He wanted to know how it happened, learn all the ways it had shaped the utterly captivating man before him.

Soft rustling drew Roy back to the present. When he peeked over, Ed was rolling his pant leg back down.

“So what now?” Ed reached forward once he was done to pet Black Hayate. “Seeing how your dog trick backfired.”

“I wouldn’t say backfired,” Roy countered. “It might not have gone as planned, but I can’t complain considering where it got me. Apologize, perhaps. But not complain.”

Ed’s attention slid briefly to Roy before returning to Black Hayate, a small smile playing at his mouth. “I’d say I’m sorry too, but I’m kinda not. I don’t remember the last time I laughed that hard.”

Again, Roy was inclined to agree because he’d been right. The heart-stopping terror was definitely worth being the recipient of that smile. He’d suffer all that and worse to see it again. “Please feel free to find amusement at my expense anytime.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. I am sorry if this hurts your public image, though,” Ed said, and Roy blinked, taken aback. “Hopefully no one took any pictures. I didn’t see anyone, but you know. Fuck, can you imagine those headlines? _Senator Mustang rips off amputee’s prosthetic_. That would a bitch and a half for your PR team to handle.” Ed’s chuckle trailed off, and he lifted his brows at Roy’s continued silence. “You _are_ Senator Mustang, right?”

“Yes, I am, but… how did you…?”

“You supported a request to fund a series of clinical trials earlier this year that were right in line with my work. It opened all kinds of doors.”

“You’re researching hyperthermia cancer treatments?” Roy asked, intrigued.

Ed nodded and laid his arms over his bent knees. “And any modifications that would make it useful for people with rheumatic diseases.”

“In that case, I’m doubly happy to have supported that. Although, I’m afraid I can’t take full credit. It’s a promising treatment. Anyone else would’ve done the same.”

With a contemplative hum, Ed’s smile took on a rueful edge. “Not anyone.”

There was a story there, and Roy added it to the ever-growing list of things he wanted to know about Ed. His favorite color, food, genre of music; what he liked to do in his downtime; the ins and outs of his research; his family; if there were any—

“Anyway,” Ed continued, interrupting Roy’s train of thought. He dusted off his hands and stood. “You got my vote when you’re up for reelection.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” Roy stood as well. And because he’d never been one to waste a perfectly good opportunity, which this was considering it had been the original purpose, he squared his shoulders and asked, “Forgive me if this is too forward, but may I get your coffee sometime too?”

Terrible timing or not, Roy really couldn't help it. Not that anyone would blame him. Ed had been gorgeous in passing beneath the coffee house's dim lighting. With the sunlight highlighting his eyes and turning the ponytail draped over one of his shoulders to liquid gold, he looked positively radiant. Roy wagered he had a personality to match.

“Are you serious?” Ed cleared his throat and quickly schooled the beginnings of a hesitant but genuine smile. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he rocked back on his heels, the picture of nonchalance. “I mean, sure. If you _want_.”

“I do,” Roy assured him. “Very much.”

A hint of that smile returned. “Well. Okay then.”

They traded numbers. There was a farewell scratch for Black Hayate and one last smile for Roy before Ed rejoined his friends, most of whom had been watching the exchange without an ounce of subtlety. Roy could hear their good-natured ribbing and Ed’s subsequent growling – _shut the fuck up, oh my god, it’s not a big deal –_ for most of his trek back to Maes.

“That turned out to be a bit more involved than I expected,” Maes said when Roy walked up.

“You and me both.” Holding up his phone, Roy smirked. “But it worked.”

“Told you it would. Although, just for the record… when I said _break a leg_ , I didn’t mean it literally.”

Roy waved him off as they continued on down the path. “Semantics.”

It was only mid-morning, but he was already looking forward to the prospect of texting Ed later that night. This felt like the most promising thing that had happened to him in a long while. Maybe he wasn't a lost cause. Maybe he did still have it after all. Still smiling, Roy leaned down to pat Black Hayate. Thirty-seven was starting to look better and better.


End file.
